The Difference Between Religion and Spirituality

Religion is for people who are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

My thanks to Bill from SDI year 3 for this insight.

From Divorce Attorney to the Spiritual Director

I don't anyone who says, "I wanna be a divorce attorney when I grow up!" My brother Jeff, who joined the family law firm and has been a practicing attorney for about thirty years, never intended to be a "divorce attorney." He handled one or high profile divorces, and there you go. News traveled fast and soon the majority of his work has become taken up with the often labor-intensive task of accompanying the disenchanted on the legal and emotional journey through their divorces and parental custody arrangements.

When he says the opposite of love is systems failure to care, I listen. As he's the one who has been there to witness the end of marriages, I think his observations are on track. The other side of passion, of love, is complete apathy and indifference. The juicy sounding word from church tradition is sloth: one of the 7 Deadly Sins. It's "unwillingness to work or exert oneself; laziness; idleness." Some of the New Testament was probably first addressed to slothful hearers and readers. As examples, think of some of the Christians described in Revelation and those targeted in Hebrews.

This is the haunting question: when do I go beyond caring to indifference? At what point do I move from life and health to the spiritual death of sloth? Can I trust that it's possible to know this for myself by myself, or do I need the support of others in this journey? Others, like spiritual guides and directors, can see what we refuse to see in ourselves. Or just cannot see. Or both.

More on Pastoral Boundaries

During a pastorate while attending Duke Divinity School, I invited one of the pastors in my district to present a workshop on stress management. He actually did a great job; he was a good communicator, an authentic human being, and fun to hear.

He asked some of the church members if they were taking good care of me, because, as he said, "Sometimes churches can chew and spit out," their pastors and he hoped they weren't one of those kind of churches. That particular church tottered back and forth between having full time pastors and student pastors. It seemed with every new appointment the arrangement would change, based on their level of compensation and indebtedness, etc.

The visiting preacher then said something that I've always wondered about. After having pastored his church well for a number of years, this pastor's marriage fell apart in divorce. Broken and wounded, the church, in the pastor's words, "took care of me" for a year or so after "I had taken care of them." I've seen this too in my life as well as in friends' and colleagues' experiences. Since clergy are human beings too, and since there is not a protective bubble around them and their loved ones, isn't it okay, even required, for clergy to receive, not just offer, kindness and support from the people they serve? Isn't that what spiritual friendship is, in part, all about?

What about receiving care and support from parishioners? What are the boundaries here? When is it OK or not OK for clergy to receive? I don't know any hard and fast rules. The only thing we owe is to love. That means to share our humanity by either receiving it or by giving it.

My Best Game of All Time

It isn't what you think. Being of fan of the Browns, it meant everything to sit with Dad on an overcast, cold, wet December day at the Cleveland lakefront, and take in an upset victory of Cleveland over Dallas. Limp- along Bill Nelson over Dandy Don! How enjoyable it was, especially to see so many future Hall of Famers battle it out. It is one of my best Browns memories after so many broken promises and dreams since.

Click on the post and enjoy!

Praying the Covenant Prayer

Wesley's Covenant Prayer is a daunting one to pray- whether you mean it or fake it. Corporately, it's sort of like, "One, two, three, all together..." for such an intensively personal statement of surrender. The prayer always seems to expose my lack of surrender and letting go! My lack of sincerity in wanting to hold onto my own stuff. In that way, it has more often than not been a confession of where I am not rather than a true statement of where I am. Which means that I usually experience desolation, not consolation, with The Covenant Prayer.

Philippians 3:7-8 came to mind when we were led in Wesley's Covenant Prayer Sunday, January 4. It was the new frame that I needed in order to see better. The different way of seeing is gaining Christ, instead of losing rubbish. When gaining Christ is the purpose, then both losing and having are not ultimate in themselves. Our emptying, as painful as it may be, serves the larger horizon of abundance with Christ. Likewise our having, as exhausting as that may be, can be known in the One who calls the heavy laden to rest. This One loves us in loss and abundance.

We can offer and we can give both our desolation and consolation to God, who in Jesus, invites us to become acquainted with his transforming love in both loss and renewal, in both the pain of our suffering and the hope and possibility that second chances bring. (3:10) That offering is our choice, our part of the covenant.

As for the "attainment" portion of this passage (3:11), I like to see it in light of the journey. As Paul used a foot race metaphor, I see it in terms of the co-participation and encounter with God's grace that sanctification is. Or as the Moravian Daily Texts for this Epiphany put it: Your itinerary is sure to lead us homeward. Your glory bright far excels the sun's clear light.

Book Therapy

Books can be used for healing or harm. A good friend once told me to "stop reading" all the books on a particular subject, because doing so seemed to be bringing more confusion. Another time, a longtime colleague warned to not rely on books for psychotherapeutic purposes.

For those who are searching, books can be a great gift. There have been times when God was reaching out to me through the unlikely words of an unread, ignored book that was shelved long before. There were times of anxious waiting in which reading a captivating story seemed to lift me. As a healthy escape or respite, I remember how helpful this was during the long power outage of Ike, which was combined with the financial implosion of this past fall.

As different as book and talk therapy are, you can still choose to discern what rings true for you and what of it works or doesn't, whether it comes from the printed page or a person. Book therapy is not talk therapy; but it is definitely more economical and convenient.

Epiphany Moravian Prayer

The prayers of the Moravian Daily Texts are simple, beautiful, and full of strength. This one is especially for today, Epiphany, 2009:

Glorious God, with all of creation, we are grateful that you woke us up today,
for your mercies are new every morning. Your itinerary is sure to lead us
homeward. Your glory bright far excels the sun's clear light. Amen.

From the MDT: "The members of our Ancient Unity sang these words when bitter persecution compelled them to seek refuge and liberty of conscience in foreign countries."

Blessing and peace to those who are near and those who are far off.